DERANGED, BUT CUTE (AT TIMES)

University life again... on the grass and looking for inspiration or God or a shooting star... but losing my nose in the process (naughty David).


I stare at my beautiful red shoes and clap them once twice three time... Kansas still far away. No hopes of ever getting back.


I sit in a cafeteria and wonder who I am ... no answers, of course.

David and Gonzalo come with me... they don't know either.

I feel frustrated and want to scream and screech and dig my nails into someone's neck.

I try to sink my fingers in Gonzalo's eyes.

He tries to steal my nose (they're all obsessed with it and I hate it)

In the street, David finds out that it's really really cold... when actually we are not wearing coats. The girl in the picture gets shy and panicky.

All the birds are afraid so they nestle together.


During the night
this city is full of empty taxi cabs
full of sad songs and beggars
pushing rubbish into a pattern
that will match their misery

Plastic bags roam the streets
socially spiritually enslaved

Stranded cigarettes
are the stars of the city
The sky is empty of eyes

Taxi drivers hide in corners
Cars wait in line for some mice

During the night and during the week
silence comes out to play
and finds his voice
in a metallic buzz.

Eventually all the stars burn out.

ALWAYS TIME FOR ANOTHER STORY

It is said that spring is here. The birds and the bees, the flowers and the couples making out in parks.


But there are still some trees that are naked, that haven't forgotten the winter yet.


I find a dear friend and we decide that we are both alive today and mostly healthy.


I sit and watch and write while others play, all strangers.


Life is hiding, maybe above us, maybe inside.


Nature hides our solitude too. Makes it less lonesome, more quiet and elegant.


Of course, not always.


So we seek for beauty everywhere and sometimes don't know if we have found it or it's a portrayal of our inner spirit, sick with longing and withering away.

Even the beautiful flowers seem to cry. They have been cut and they have lost their magic.


Reality shows some truths, truths that we already know, such as love is a disease, you can't escape it and you don't want to get over it and it appears again and again.


I walk home alone at night. Witht the blurry nights you can't know if I smile or cry or if I think and what I think about. What do I think about? The present, the past, the future. I think that I am still very much in love with my ex-boyfriend (don't be confused) and something should be done about that. I think I feel rather small and incompetent. Never reaching adulthood... or wanting to. Peter Pan was great and I am one of his many many daughters. So let us fly fly fly!

WHAT'S IN A SHOE?

Days going by without me writing here... And what do I do instead?

I spend whole days at uni, lying on the grass, talking to the ants and flies and birds and drinking coffee.

I look at the sky and try to hypnotize myself into cheerfulness.

Everything is connected.

And I buy shoes to become a princess. Princess shoes abound nowadays. But try to buy a plain high-heeled black shoe and you will have to walk all around town with a silly face and empty hands.

So go to visit friends, who share your shoe obsession. Eat lots of chocolate and rest from classes and work in a luxurious yet crazy restaurant.

Watch silly romantic movies and take silly unromantic pictures. Meditate about the meaning of your life. What is ahead? What is behind?

Fashion yourself as if you were a dream, and then dream and maybe someone will come. Someone who can dream too. If he has a white horse it'll be good. If he has a black horse it will be better still.

Don't think about the one that you let go. Don't obsess yourself with him, cos probably he has someone new now and doesn't care anymore. And anyway, you hurt him enough already. Stop being ambitious. Stop listening to his songs and stop thinking of songs to send to him and stop fantasizing about him. Anyway, he doesn't have a black horse, so it's all nonsense, isn't it?

DID YOU KNOW I MISS YOU?

Thursday. In a couple of minutes I'll leave to have tea and cake with Noelia. And afterwars my first day at my new job. Beginnings are always so strange. And most of the time we don't even know that a beginning is taking place before us. I don't even know what is happening around me, inside me. I have made too many mistakes and I am sorry if I made someone unhappy.

P. S. I dedicate this song to someone I love. I wish I was with you right now, that we could help each other and kiss.

Es por ti de Luz Casal

Escribo una y otra vez

"No puedo vivir sin tí".

Me paso los días esperándote,

cómo te puedo amar si lejos de mí estas,

si yo estoy loca es por tí.

Sé muy bien que desde donde estoy yo

no llego a donde estás tú

y aunque dentro de mi copa está reflejada tu fría luz

la beberé servil y acabada...

Es por tí,

Sin tí el amanecer en lágrimas nacerá

mojando la lluvia que caerá sin fin

y tú me atraparás con esa blanca luz.

Si yo esoy loca, es por ti.

Sé muy bien que desde este lugar

yo no llego a donde estás tú

y aunque dentro de mi copa está reflejada tu fría luz

la bebere servil y acabada...Es por tí.

THE GUY YOU WANT IN YOUR GOVERNMENT, THE GUY YOU WANT IN YOUR BED

WHERE AM I ???

Okay... these last few days have been even more surreal than usual. First things first... what the hell is happening, David? I really have no clue about what you are talking. And Isaac, what did you tell him? It's true that both of you can be ... well, too much, at times, but you are two of my closest friends. The fact that I don't spend so much time with you guys anymore has nothing to do with my being tired of you.
Next, who the hell is Zulu Slave? Where do I know you from? University? High-school? Friends? ... And what's that about flirting? I am just curious... If I were clever enough I would redesign this blog so it was compulsory to sign the comments.
It's not even 8 in the morning. I am gonna be late for class. And already I am really stressed up because of all this nonsense. By now all of you should realize I am demented, so stop trying to fix me.

AND THEN BEAUTY CROSSED MY PATH

p.s. ... Zulu Slave, fair enough that you are only you, I would have said the same thing. But do I know you? Do you have a blog or webpage I can visit?