Day after day I wonder what do I want. What do I want from the future, from myself, from my relationship with others. Sometimes it feels like I could escape from those questions, but it never lasts. And then sometimes I feel like those questions are too much for me. Someone asked me last night what did I want from a particular situation. And I froze. Do people know what they want before experiencing it? Well, then I want magic and I want beauty. I don't want to trick myself into believing that everything is beautiful. I want everything to be beautiful. And I want magic, real magic. Again I had a bad night. Couldn't sleep, couldn't nightdream with anyone or anything, couldn't even move too well because again again again I'm sick.
And then this morning I woke up, stayed under the blankets to keep warm and safe, and then I found a wonderful email and I cried, after many dry days.
Do fish sleep with their eyes closed? Do they just float? When you turn off the lights of the aquarium do they fall asleep instantly? Do they ever suffer from insomnia?
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